Donald Trump’s Amazing Verbal Goulash

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Donald Trump may have promised us that he has “the best words” but he apparently forgot to mention that those words are often so hopelessly jumbled up, they make no sense at all. Seriously, this guy has served up enough word salad to provide the entire country with adequate dietary fiber to ensure a decade’s worth of healthy bowel movements.

The purpose this blog entry is to simply chronicle some of his most notorious gibberish starting from his campaign, through the present. For a guy who refers to himself as “a very stable genius”, he has time and time again reminded us all that he is neither stable, nor a genius. I understand he is human, and we all get flustered and we all have occasional bouts of verbal diarrhea, but The Donald has taken this to a new level altogether.

Associated Press Interview

Let’s begin with back in April of 2017, before his first 100 days in office were complete. Trump did a lengthy interview with the Associated Press, and answered many questions. One in particular was in regard to The Wall (which during the campaign he promised Mexico would pay for) and how much it was going to cost. This is copied and pasted direct from the AP transcript :

Oh I’m seeing numbers — $24 billion, I think I’ll do it for $10 billion or less. That’s not a lot of money relative to what we’re talking about. If we stop 1 percent of the drugs from coming in — and we’ll stop all of it. But if we stop 1 percent of the drugs because we have the wall — they’re coming around in certain areas, but if you have a wall, they can’t do it because it’s a real wall. That’s a tremendously good investment, 1 percent. The drugs pouring through on the southern border are unbelievable. We’re becoming a drug culture, there’s so much. And most of it’s coming from the southern border. The wall will stop the drugs.

Lovely, eh? A true wordsmith. Of course, this was extemporaneously speaking with the press, probably in a relaxed atmosphere. If you read around the meandering syntex, you can kind of get the gist of what he is saying…I guess?

Later on, during the same interview, his verbal skills seemed to decline further. When asked about a discussion he had with Congressman Elijah Cummings (D-MD) he summed up this discussion like so:

Well he said, you’ll be the greatest president in the history of, but you know what, I’ll take that also, but that you could be. But he said, will be the greatest president but I would also accept the other. In other words, if you do your job, but I accept that. Then I watched him interviewed and it was like he never even was here. It’s incredible. I watched him interviewed a week later and it’s like he was never in my office. And you can even say that.

What? Seriously, What? I have no idea how those wonderful words can be put together in any order to form anything close to a cogent thought.

Elton John

One of my favorite examples of Trumpanese was from a campaign-style rally held in Montana in July of 2018. Trump, for some inexplicable reason, decides to compare himself favorably to Sir Elton John, of all people:

I have broken more Elton John records. He seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No, we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. Because you know, look, I only need this space. They need much more room. For basketball, for hockey and all of the sports, they need a lot of room. We don’t need it. We have people in that space. So we break all of these records. Really, we do it without, like, the musical instruments. This is the only musical – the mouth. And hopefully the brain attached to the mouth, right? The brain. More important than the mouth is the brain. The brain is much more important.

In all seriousness, I can say that I have spoken with tweaked out meth addicts who make more sense than that. He goes from Elton John to space requirements to basketball and hockey and more space and back to instruments to the mouth and the brain.

Global Warming

In a November, 2018 interview with the Washington Post, Trump gave this response to a question regarding his skepticism of the report on climate change which had recently been released by the U.S. Government:

You look at our air and our water and it’s right now at a record clean. But when you look at China and you look at parts of Asia and when you look at South America, and when you look at many other places in this world, including Russia, including — just many other places — the air is incredibly dirty. And when you’re talking about an atmosphere, oceans are very small. And it blows over and it sails over. I mean, we take thousands of tons of garbage off our beaches all the time that comes over from Asia. It just flows right down the Pacific, it flows, and we say where does this come from. And it takes many people to start off with.

So, our air and water is at a record clean, which by the way is not a completely wrong statement, but those trends began long before Trump took office. Parts of South America and China are far worse indeed. But you would never know it by this meandering mouth mambo. He touches on some serious concerns, such as the insane amount of waterborne pollution coming from some Asian countries. This is the problem, even when he tries to communicate important points, they get lost in the word-chowder.

He honestly sounds like a third-grader giving an oral report on a book he never read.

What is Uranium?

You don’t know what Uranium is? Well, just take a lesson from Mr. Trump, who explains it simply and concisely.

You know what uranium is, right? It’s this thing called nuclear weapons. And other things. Like lots of things are done with uranium. Including some bad things. But nobody talks about that.

Lets be honest, you would only talk like this if you have no idea what to say about uranium, so you just start talking out uranus.

Going Nuclear

Speaking of uranium and nuclear weapons, lets quickly flashback to 2015, when his campaign was still in its infancy, and have a taste this morsel of oratorical tour de force which, I think, was part of an attempt to broach the “Uranium One” conspiracy theory.

Look, having nuclear – my uncle was a great professor and scientist and engineer, Dr. John Trump at M.I.T.; good genes, very good genes, O.K., very smart, the Wharton School of finance, very good, very smart you know, if you’re a conservative Republican, if I were a liberal, if, like, O.K., if I ranas a liberal Democrat, they would say I’m one of the smartest people anywhere in the world – it’s true! – but when you’re a conservative Republican they try –oh, they do a number – that’s why I always start off: “Went to Wharton, was a good student, went there, went there, did this, built a fortune” – you know I have to give my life credentials all the time, because we’re a little disadvantaged – but you look at the nuclear deal, the thing that really bothers me …

Let’s start with one thing, the uncle he is referring to is John G. Trump, who truly was a brilliant professor, scientist and engineer. He was a pioneer in several fields including high-voltage generation, radar, microwave transmission, and medical radiology.

That being said, everything else in that rant was absolute garbage. There is no evidence that he was a good student at Wharton, in fact a professor, well as classmates have had contrasting opinions of Trump’s days at Wharton; the former calling him “The dumbest goddamn student I ever had” and the latter not remembering him much at all.

The Toast of South Korea

Please, do not assume that Trump’s mindless drivels are reserved solely for domestic audiences. He shares these moments with the world while traveling abroad as well. Here, he flubs a toast at a dinner in South Korea. Mind you, this was a prepared speech which he was (trying) to read.

Together, our nations remind the world of the boundless potential of societies that choose freedom over tyranny, and who set the free. And we will free, and we will sacrifice, and we will hope, and we will make things beautiful, especially the aspirations of your people.

I suppose the interpreters had a few drinks after the mental anguish of trying to understand what the hell was just said, and how to somehow translate it in a way so that it did not sound like it was just uttered by a shit-salesman-with-free-samples-in-his-mouth.

So, that is all for now, it seriously pains me to read these verbatims I have pasted when I remember that they have been spoken by the man who is currently occupying the White House. I cringe when I think that to the rest of the world, this man-child represents my country.

I may add to this later as I am confident there will be more material to work with, but this is all I could stomach for now.

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